When Someone in the Family Goes Vegan
Well, there’s nothing like going vegan to shake up family dynamics! (Okay, there are other things, but going vegan certainly qualifies as a dramatic experience!)
There are nearly as many ways for families to adapt to one or more members becoming vegan as there are families. Each individual comes to the table, so to speak, with their own personalities, histories, goals, and willingness or ability to compromise. Each family has its own dynamic, made from the blending of its component individuals.
Sometimes an entire family transitions to veganism together. The individuals all feel compelled to do this in unity. It can be a very relationship-affirming experience, and the people involved have a built-in support system to help get through the challenges of this transition.
More often, though, it is one member of the family – a spouse, parent, or child – who chooses to explore veganism, and the rest of the family may have varying degrees of enthusiasm for this change. |
It is important for the person who is becoming vegan to be patient and understanding rather than forceful or arrogant. Remember, the other members of your family may not have the benefit of learning about veganism over time and may feel like things are changing very suddenly for them. Change is scary for many people, and they may feel anxious as they try to sort out what it all means.
Explain in a calm, caring manner why being vegan matters to you. Provide information about how you plan to be healthy as you change your diet. Let them know that you are not rejecting them. (It may feel like a personal rejection or attack to them, since you are rejecting a significant aspect of their lifestyle.) Offer ideas about how you can live together respectfully without being divisive over this issue.
|
Veganism is important, but so is family.
Being unwilling to work together will only serve to increase the level of frustration and the feelings of loneliness or rejection. With time and patience, the non-vegan family members often soften and realize they enjoy at least occasional vegan meals. They may even decide to become vegan themselves someday. But they probably won’t choose that path if they feel they are being berated, punished, or looked down upon by the vegan member of the family.
There are a variety of compromises that may be agreed to if only one spouse is choosing to become vegan. In some families, the vegan spouse has absolutely no problem continuing to prepare dishes with meat for the omnivorous spouse. Others won’t prepare the meat themselves but accept that the spouse may have meat on their plate. In some families, animal products are not allowed in the house, though the omnivorous partner is free to choose meat dishes when they are outside the house (at work, a family function, a restaurant, etc.)
What works for one family may not work for another, and individual families may find they have to tweak their rules from time to time to make sure that everyone feels valued and respected within the arrangement.
What works for one family may not work for another, and individual families may find they have to tweak their rules from time to time to make sure that everyone feels valued and respected within the arrangement.
One thing that worked really well for me when I became vegan while living with my parents was developing a few meals that could easily be made into vegan and non-vegan versions. We frequently made stir-fry meals, for example. I would stir-fry veggies in one pan and tofu in another. Then one of my parents would use another pan (or reuse the tofu pan) to stir-fry pieces of chicken. Those who wanted chicken could add it to their bowls while I happily ate my tofu stir-fry. There was a peaceful sense of sitting down to a meal as a family while also respectfully addressing each other’s needs to eat the way they wanted.
|
Other meals that worked well for us were make-your-own wraps, tacos, or pitas: various ingredients for making the meal go on the table, so each person can select what they want: lettuce, carrots, fake or real meat, tomatoes, tofu salad, tuna or egg salad, etc. Making individual pizzas or subs/hoagies would also do the trick. It’s pretty easy to make a pot of pasta and have two different sauces for toppings, especially if the sauces don’t require more work than opening a jar!
|
If it is the parents in the family who are becoming vegan, they most likely want the children to be vegan as well. The children may have a different idea! Even if the children are too young to be aware of dinnerplate politics, they may have developed a taste for dairy or meat products and may need more time to adapt to some of the new foods being placed in front of them. Carefully and gently explain, in age-appropriate terms, why the family is becoming vegan. (A simple discussion about not wanting to hurt animals is usually beneficial, since almost all kids will reflect the desire to not hurt animals.)
Transition kids by adding some soymilk to their cow’s milk, then increasing the percentage of soymilk in each cup until it tastes good to the kids. You might even want to use the container from the cow’s milk so that it “looks right” to the kids. Experiment with different recipes that are kid-friendly and that match your children’s tastes. Keep making the point that vegan meals are kind for animals, that no animals were killed for their meals. Older kids will learn by observing and reflecting upon your actions and dinner discussions about veganism.
Please click on the button below to share this page
Please click on the button below to share this page